Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Knock down the door

Oh, it's the feeling you get down below
Oh, it's the feeling of someone knocking at the back door
But you're out-and-about and can't let them in
People mistakin' that look on your face for a happy grin
God, I hope I never have this feeling again

So knock down the door and flip up the lid
Better sit down real quick
People knockin' to be let in
They can wait, time to bring back my happy grin

Oh, it's been so long on this lonesome road
Time to pull over find a tree
Them bushes could use some pee
Cars zippin' by like a streak of light
Hope this Cleavland steamer doesn't put up a fight

So knock down the door and flip up the lid
Better sit down real quick
People knockin' to be let in
They can wait, time to bring back my happy grin

Finally home what can I do?
I know someone up stairs who has been missin' my poo

So knock down the door and flip up the lid
Better sit down real quick
People knockin' to be let in
They can wait, time to bring back my happy grin

Monday, May 23, 2011

No, Sir, Not Me

If there is one thing that I never, ever wanted, considering my sizable fame and fortune, is to be is a politician. I am well known, after all, my material has gone un-published on many-a bathroom wall across the country. But still, even with all my fame and fortune and ignoring the fact that because of said fame and fortune I could easily rise to the highest echelons in the political arena, I simply have no desire too.

I don't know why I had the sudden need to put that out there? Maybe it was because I forgot my pen this morning while visiting the office and thus had some extra time to think about...stuff. Or maybe it's because the next election cycle is revving up and I just felt the need to let all my devoted followers out there know how stupid politics is? 

Politicians are notorious for not getting things done, or at the very least getting it done at a snails pace, and that is not what we need these days. Although I must say the new guy is a breath of fresh air compared to the other guy.

Here is a poem for you politicians out there looking to strike it rich next election day:

I turn on the TV to your lying face
You make me ashamed to be part of the human race
And now you want my money, my vote, and more
Even when we both know you are looking to get rich
By making the rest of us poor.
So this year when election time comes
I'll be sitting home snacking on my Tums.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Second Coming

I know that there are at least two of you, possibly less, that have been coming here diligently for the past two and half years, awaiting for my return. Of those two, maybe less, one might think it's coincidence that I made my triumphant return only days before many believe Judgment Day is supposed to happen. No, I'm not saying that I am Jesus coming back to Earth to save my devoted followers and live life-eternal in Heaven...at least I don't think I am? But now that I think about it it is funny that I consider this blog to be a kind of positive re-enforcement meant to heal the wounds of the world and bring all of humanity into the light...O.M.G, I am Jesus!

I got to go, I need to write this down on a bathroom wall somewhere.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Swirly

The swirling water reflecting the crescent Moon
Don't be afraid when you hear the sonic boom
It is a sound that came from a heart felt place
Can't think of a word that rhymes except for mace
But a teary eye is to be expected
Now flush and life won't be so hectic.

-Toilet Bowl

Pee

Too Pee
Is to me
A way
To be free.

-Toilet Bowl

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Fart

A fart
Is the start
Of a dart
Through the heart.

-Toilet Bowl