I woke up this morning uninspired and with no foreseeable task to fill my day that was until I opened up my email box. There I found a letter from some schmoe in Africa claiming to be an auditor at a bank. I’m sure you all know the scenario: some poor schlep who at one time held an account with the bank died tragically and left behind a huge sum of money and unless that money is claimed by a next of kin it simply rolls over into some vacuum fund within the bank and disappears forever.
As I am sure you also know – at least you should know this – is that this is a scam. What happens is you get pulled in by this con by being promised a cut from this huge some of money and all you have to do is sign some official looking paper work declaring you as the next of kin (oh, and give them your personal banking account number, you know, so they can transfer the money from their account to yours) and then just sit back a you get rich. Of course, if you fall for it instead of finding our bank account overflowing with millions and millions of dollars you will find it drained completely. Anyway I decided to write one of these guys back and have a little fun. Here is what I wrote hope you enjoy and will keep you posted of any further developments.
I have received your email along with your business proposition and while I find your offer tempting I must concede that I am apprehensive since what you are proposing seems rather illegal. Issues of legality don’t bother me, but doing prison time does. I know that this may not improve my standing in your eyes, but I am myself a criminal, and without going into too much depth about my past let me only say this, we must proceed carefully in such matters. So, my kind sir, what I would like to know from you before our business association proceeds any further is:
1) Is what you are proposing legal? If it is there is no problem? If it is not legal than how do you plan on accomplishing such a feet?
2) What assurances do I have from you that I will get my money?
I wanted not to live a life of crime but I had to leave my native Austria behind some time ago because of, well, shall we say some unscrupulous business transactions. So, as you can see I am not without concern. Now, I have a made a life for myself in a legal manner – well, mostly, but you know how it is my dear chap – in Canada. The weather here is cold, but the women keep me worm and the bacon is excellent.
I would also like to inquire about the business expenses that will consume 10% of our profits. 35% of 13.5M is quite adequate but a number over 40% would be more to my liking. Lesson number one in business, my friend: lower expenses and increase profits.
Please right me back, my dear sir, and be not afraid because of whom I have confessed to be. My intentions are the same as yours – to become rich.
Kindly,
Marcus A. DiAngelo III
As I am sure you also know – at least you should know this – is that this is a scam. What happens is you get pulled in by this con by being promised a cut from this huge some of money and all you have to do is sign some official looking paper work declaring you as the next of kin (oh, and give them your personal banking account number, you know, so they can transfer the money from their account to yours) and then just sit back a you get rich. Of course, if you fall for it instead of finding our bank account overflowing with millions and millions of dollars you will find it drained completely. Anyway I decided to write one of these guys back and have a little fun. Here is what I wrote hope you enjoy and will keep you posted of any further developments.
I have received your email along with your business proposition and while I find your offer tempting I must concede that I am apprehensive since what you are proposing seems rather illegal. Issues of legality don’t bother me, but doing prison time does. I know that this may not improve my standing in your eyes, but I am myself a criminal, and without going into too much depth about my past let me only say this, we must proceed carefully in such matters. So, my kind sir, what I would like to know from you before our business association proceeds any further is:
1) Is what you are proposing legal? If it is there is no problem? If it is not legal than how do you plan on accomplishing such a feet?
2) What assurances do I have from you that I will get my money?
I wanted not to live a life of crime but I had to leave my native Austria behind some time ago because of, well, shall we say some unscrupulous business transactions. So, as you can see I am not without concern. Now, I have a made a life for myself in a legal manner – well, mostly, but you know how it is my dear chap – in Canada. The weather here is cold, but the women keep me worm and the bacon is excellent.
I would also like to inquire about the business expenses that will consume 10% of our profits. 35% of 13.5M is quite adequate but a number over 40% would be more to my liking. Lesson number one in business, my friend: lower expenses and increase profits.
Please right me back, my dear sir, and be not afraid because of whom I have confessed to be. My intentions are the same as yours – to become rich.
Kindly,
Marcus A. DiAngelo III
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