This morning just after I got to work I received a mysterious phone call from a women with an Indian accent saying that she had an urgent business matter to discuss with me. After I looked around on the Internet I discovered that the phone number was associated with DIRECTV.
*And just to be clear and dispel and confusion that might arise from what I said yesterday about about changing names to protect the innocent, that excludes DIRECTV. When I say DIRECTV I mean DIRECTV - the unholy Satan Spawn of the satellite TV universe and ass pirate corporation extraordinaire.
Since I love DIRECTV so much (as if you couldn't tell by the illustrious light that I shined on them in the above side bar) I called the lady back. She made reference to a $100 early cancellation fee which DIRECTV says I owe and which I say I don't, but before she got to much further into our conversation I hung up. It's to long of a story to repeat - I have repeated it to many timed to count - but the skinny is that you all out there in Internet land should stay the hell away from DIRECTV, unless that is of course you don't value your money situation at all, then by all means sign-up for their shitty service and sit back and watch as the extraneous fees start arriving in the mail. Eventually the harassing phone calls will start and soon after that your monthly rate will be hiked up so high that you'll probably end up with a bill higher than your rent or house payment.
This all throws me back to '86 and the final days of Uranus tissue paper products Inc. and to one particular customer that I lost because he claimed that by buying my product he was throwing money down the toilet - duh. When I asked what he was going to do about paper products for the restrooms in the hotel chains that he owned he simply replied: "we'll have to do without."
I bring this up because he was throwing money down the toilet by buying my product - no shit Sherlock - and I feel the same way about paying money for DIRECTV's service. Sure you get all the channels but every months you have to wonder if the pain and suffering that goes along with looking at all the money you are paying for that service is worth it knowing full well that it's not worth half of what is printed on that piece of paper. That's not money pain folks that pain from the realization that you are being had by one of the all time corrupt companies and there is nothing you can do about it, because by the time you realized who you were dealing with you are stuck with your two year contract and no way out.
It wasn't long after my business associate pulled the plug that he went belly-up. I can't say that it was all because he stopped proving tissue paper for his bathrooms, but I like to think so. And some day when DIRECTV goes belly-up I would like to think that I had a hand in it, because in my view of the world there isn't enough room for another corrupt company that tries their darnedest to dip a few extra times into the nowhere near bottomless pocket of America's middle class, there are already to many companies like that and now there is another one to add to the list - everybody say hello to their newest member - DIRECTV. DIRECTV this poem is for you and will be coming to a bathroom wall very, very soon:
Oh DIRECTV, Oh DIRECTV
I hate you u more than gonorrhea or HIV
You ripped me off and than spit on me
And then you charged me a bs late cancellation fee
Your service was never that good to begin with
I hope now that you have me bent over you are getting a real good whiff
Oh DIRECTV, Oh DIRECTV
Basic cable came with no porn which is why I switched to service with thee
That fact that you even exist just shows how much God must hate me
Having service with DIRECTV is like having a bladder stone and than talking a real long pee
If you are a customer of you know who
Get out now before they rub your face in poo and make you eat it too
*And just to be clear and dispel and confusion that might arise from what I said yesterday about about changing names to protect the innocent, that excludes DIRECTV. When I say DIRECTV I mean DIRECTV - the unholy Satan Spawn of the satellite TV universe and ass pirate corporation extraordinaire.
Since I love DIRECTV so much (as if you couldn't tell by the illustrious light that I shined on them in the above side bar) I called the lady back. She made reference to a $100 early cancellation fee which DIRECTV says I owe and which I say I don't, but before she got to much further into our conversation I hung up. It's to long of a story to repeat - I have repeated it to many timed to count - but the skinny is that you all out there in Internet land should stay the hell away from DIRECTV, unless that is of course you don't value your money situation at all, then by all means sign-up for their shitty service and sit back and watch as the extraneous fees start arriving in the mail. Eventually the harassing phone calls will start and soon after that your monthly rate will be hiked up so high that you'll probably end up with a bill higher than your rent or house payment.
This all throws me back to '86 and the final days of Uranus tissue paper products Inc. and to one particular customer that I lost because he claimed that by buying my product he was throwing money down the toilet - duh. When I asked what he was going to do about paper products for the restrooms in the hotel chains that he owned he simply replied: "we'll have to do without."
I bring this up because he was throwing money down the toilet by buying my product - no shit Sherlock - and I feel the same way about paying money for DIRECTV's service. Sure you get all the channels but every months you have to wonder if the pain and suffering that goes along with looking at all the money you are paying for that service is worth it knowing full well that it's not worth half of what is printed on that piece of paper. That's not money pain folks that pain from the realization that you are being had by one of the all time corrupt companies and there is nothing you can do about it, because by the time you realized who you were dealing with you are stuck with your two year contract and no way out.
It wasn't long after my business associate pulled the plug that he went belly-up. I can't say that it was all because he stopped proving tissue paper for his bathrooms, but I like to think so. And some day when DIRECTV goes belly-up I would like to think that I had a hand in it, because in my view of the world there isn't enough room for another corrupt company that tries their darnedest to dip a few extra times into the nowhere near bottomless pocket of America's middle class, there are already to many companies like that and now there is another one to add to the list - everybody say hello to their newest member - DIRECTV. DIRECTV this poem is for you and will be coming to a bathroom wall very, very soon:
Oh DIRECTV, Oh DIRECTV
I hate you u more than gonorrhea or HIV
You ripped me off and than spit on me
And then you charged me a bs late cancellation fee
Your service was never that good to begin with
I hope now that you have me bent over you are getting a real good whiff
Oh DIRECTV, Oh DIRECTV
Basic cable came with no porn which is why I switched to service with thee
That fact that you even exist just shows how much God must hate me
Having service with DIRECTV is like having a bladder stone and than talking a real long pee
If you are a customer of you know who
Get out now before they rub your face in poo and make you eat it too
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