Everyone need a dis-claimer and this blog is no different. I mean, really, people are just to sensitive these days. I'm sure that I will say something that will offend someone somewhere down the line and if I do my job right I will offend lots of people all of whom will write me and tell my how big of a moron I am. Hey, whatever, in the end I got to say what I wanted and you got to say what you wanted - everybody wins. Having said that, my dis-claimer is this: To protect the innocent and guilty alike, all names have been changed. Why, you might be asking? Not because this is sensitive material we are talking about here but because the average Tom, Dick, and Harry names are boring and it is fun to come up with new ones. Hell, this isn't news that can't be found anywhere else but here but news that has my own distorted twist. But don't you worry, even though I have changed the names I will still make fun of these people without holding back or rest to my fullest possible extent. Again, why, you might be asking? Because I'm a sick bastard I guess, but then so is the rest of society, so maybe that makes me normal?
Not the answer you were expecting, I know, but so goes the way of life - welcome.
My own name too has been changed to protect the innocent and not because I am a wanted man, and not because I am some kind of gun toting wacko carrying around Dirty Harry's best friend in my back pocket, and certainly not because I have deep pocketed connections to certain individuals in Washington who might like to see me dead if they found out I was ranting on a blog. I have changed my name because - believe it or not - I am famous. Well, I should say that I am famous for not being famous when I should have been famous. I have a claim to fame that no one else can claim - I invented bathroom wall poetry. Yes, you can call me Jubilant Echo or Toilet Bowl if you prefer.
But I am not angry for my lack of fame - no, no, no. I could care less if I am famous or not, which is why I choose to remain anonymous. But I do care about the art form which I lovingly gave birth too and want to see it grow and neutered.
It wasn't me who coined the fraise Just sittin' here ass cheeks-a-flexin, but I did finish it with givin birth to a ten pound Texan. After that, wherever there was a a nicely painted white bathroom wall before I got there, after I left there was only works of art left in its place; poetry that rolled off the tongue:
Just sittin here ass cheeks-a-flexin
Given birth to a ten pound Texan
With pants and undies down around my knees
This is what I get for eating so much cheese
Mary mother and Holy ghost
Toilet Bowl I love the most
I suppose that it's fitting that I would be the one that developed the bathroom wall poetry movement - no pun intended. I say this because I traveled a lot and visited many, many hotels, gas stations, and rest stop bathrooms, I had not only the time but a wide area of exposure to get the ball rolling, that and the fact that I was working on getting a start-up business up and running - Uranus tissue paper products Inc.
I am not arguing that the art form didn't take off after that and that there weren't others who took up the art after me, but none - I like to think - were as original as me. And none were as eloquently mixed in a Shakespearean kinda way or as imaginary like that of a painting by Monet and harmony reminiscent of Bach as well.
I know what you must be thinking right about now - what an extremely pompous thing to say - but I did pretty much single handily start one of American greatest past time activities.
Today I live in Colorado and while I consider myself retired I am not retired. I intend on finishing the work that I started in the sixties - everything that came before was only the beginning. From hence forth I plan on making a bigger ruckus bigger then. . . then. . . then a loud fart in church.
Now, what you will read on this site will not exclusively be bathroom poetry, it will also be opinion pieces, political analysis, berating the stupid, critiques of all that is wrong with humanity, a vetting of the worlds injustice, bathroom sanitation, dissection of world affairs, and of course hygiene - wash your hands afterwards.
It's time that I dusted off my pen and paper. Watch out, because I'm comin' to a bathroom near you.
Not the answer you were expecting, I know, but so goes the way of life - welcome.
My own name too has been changed to protect the innocent and not because I am a wanted man, and not because I am some kind of gun toting wacko carrying around Dirty Harry's best friend in my back pocket, and certainly not because I have deep pocketed connections to certain individuals in Washington who might like to see me dead if they found out I was ranting on a blog. I have changed my name because - believe it or not - I am famous. Well, I should say that I am famous for not being famous when I should have been famous. I have a claim to fame that no one else can claim - I invented bathroom wall poetry. Yes, you can call me Jubilant Echo or Toilet Bowl if you prefer.
But I am not angry for my lack of fame - no, no, no. I could care less if I am famous or not, which is why I choose to remain anonymous. But I do care about the art form which I lovingly gave birth too and want to see it grow and neutered.
It wasn't me who coined the fraise Just sittin' here ass cheeks-a-flexin, but I did finish it with givin birth to a ten pound Texan. After that, wherever there was a a nicely painted white bathroom wall before I got there, after I left there was only works of art left in its place; poetry that rolled off the tongue:
Just sittin here ass cheeks-a-flexin
Given birth to a ten pound Texan
With pants and undies down around my knees
This is what I get for eating so much cheese
Mary mother and Holy ghost
Toilet Bowl I love the most
I suppose that it's fitting that I would be the one that developed the bathroom wall poetry movement - no pun intended. I say this because I traveled a lot and visited many, many hotels, gas stations, and rest stop bathrooms, I had not only the time but a wide area of exposure to get the ball rolling, that and the fact that I was working on getting a start-up business up and running - Uranus tissue paper products Inc.
I am not arguing that the art form didn't take off after that and that there weren't others who took up the art after me, but none - I like to think - were as original as me. And none were as eloquently mixed in a Shakespearean kinda way or as imaginary like that of a painting by Monet and harmony reminiscent of Bach as well.
I know what you must be thinking right about now - what an extremely pompous thing to say - but I did pretty much single handily start one of American greatest past time activities.
Today I live in Colorado and while I consider myself retired I am not retired. I intend on finishing the work that I started in the sixties - everything that came before was only the beginning. From hence forth I plan on making a bigger ruckus bigger then. . . then. . . then a loud fart in church.
Now, what you will read on this site will not exclusively be bathroom poetry, it will also be opinion pieces, political analysis, berating the stupid, critiques of all that is wrong with humanity, a vetting of the worlds injustice, bathroom sanitation, dissection of world affairs, and of course hygiene - wash your hands afterwards.
It's time that I dusted off my pen and paper. Watch out, because I'm comin' to a bathroom near you.
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